The vast majority of men who die from suicide, turn out to have had depression, clinical depression or depressive illness, call it what you like. This is a change in your brain chemistry and in your ability to think, brought about by stress, so that all you are allowed to see in life are the negatives of life, with the positives being filtered out. It is subtle and persuasive.
If you are having trouble being able to read and remember what you read at the same level as a year ago, then it is very likely you have developed depression. Impaired concentration and poor memory, are strong indicators that your brain chemistry has been affected. If this has happened, you really cannot trust your judgment, as it is like having a computer virus that is distorting what you see and how you calculate the situation.